Thursday, June 10, 2010
Happy is kind of scary
The reason I'm feeling this way has to do with a very good friend of mine, a friend of mine who is like a daughter to me (not the same one that yesterday's post was about, by the way) had an operation yesterday. We suspected going in that it was not going to be good news. Something had already shown up on her scans and xrays. We were very scared of what the news would be.
Happy is kind of scary for hubby and I. We've gone through a LOT over the years. There's no physical validity to it, but mentally...every time things seemed like they were going really good we would get this feeling like a shadow was hanging overhead. Today's poem will say more about that. It's more the things lurking in our mind from our past, than anything having to do with reality...but this situation with my friend was REAL! Real scary!!!
But last night, late last night, we got a phone call from her daughter......the surgery went well. She was kind of groggy still, and in some pain, but she wanted her daughter to call us to let us know the results. She had more fibroid tumors there than expected, but NONE OF THEM WERE CANCEROUS!!! I should have jumped for joy at this news, but I started sobbing uncontrollably for about 10 minutes. Guess I was more nervous than I had allowed myself to feel. She's going to have a long recovery period because of a lot of complications during this ordeal, but it's not the deep shadow we thought it would be. Don't you love when it's good news and not what you expected?!!!
What's next?! Bring it on!.......Not so fast. It's calm again!! :-}
Happy is kind of scary-
based on where we've both come from;
Frequent chaos is comfortable-
the expected breakage of 'Hum-Drum'.
When things are going well
we almost don't know what to do;
Do we enjoy the peace-or wait
for the fall of the other shoe?!
Because, in our experience ,
happy moments don't last long;
Of course, those moments do exist-
But still, it feels like something's wrong!
We've lived with sorrow, fear and pain;
Emergencies-we have survived;
And, in between, we would reflect
on how a calm always arrived.
Right now, we're living in a time,
when all our bills are being paid,
our aches and pains are durable;
and apprehension starts to fade.
We're fighting mild uneasiness,
thoughts of a sure impending doom.
We know its only just because
of how our past was filled with gloom.
Yes-Happy is kind of scary,
because we haven't known just how
to put bad feelings out of mind
and just enjoy the here and now.
But its a fight we'll do each day,
'cause happiness is worth the price
of the anxious moments spent-
and spent with him, they're kind of nice!