Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Some Days You're The Windshield...Some Days You're The Bug!!

     That expression is so true! Some days you're just going along and everything is fine. Things happen and you're just like a windshield...everything is just bouncing off of you!....And then there's days like yesterday....But before I completely 'bum you out' let me show you this great Treasury my 'bug', Fly Button Brooches, made it into!
      I love the title of this Treasury~~"Gray skies are just clouds passing over~Duke Ellington". It was curated by MidWestMermaid. { Here's a little Duke Ellington music for you to cut and paste, and put in another window to listen to while you're reading, if you like :-) --> }
     And once again, the coincidence of a treasury that's perfectly named for me today. Gray skies "ARE" passing over...Not literally, weather-wise. Not today anyway!...(Although we do have several storms due to 'pass over' during the next several days)...No, I'm afraid my gray clouds are all emotional. 
              {bad day by roofchimp}

       I talked to my dad yesterday. He was in a lot of pain. He went to have his pre-surgery visit with the doctor and when he got back home he was in some intense pain...just from the jostling around of going. :-( I feel so bad for him. He has all kinds of medication, but it's not really taking the pain away...And it's another whole week before his surgery!
     When I asked him if he was going to be able to endure this, he said: "I'm gonna have to!!"...That's sad...but unfortunately true. Sometimes you just have to endure it until it gets fixed.
      Thankfully there was some good news! The surgery is suppose to be a pretty quick thing. I think he said they're going to remove a nerve or something. And he's only going to be in the hospital a couple of days!....If you can call that "GOOD" news! 
     Laughingly, he said: "I'll call you from the hospital on my new phone, to let you know what's happening. I told these guys to call you, but....I'll call!" LOL "Right dad!! Just call me in between the anesthesia and the lights out!!" ^_^
     Let me give you a break  and tell you something good, before I tell you the other news. :-] ... I started again, and here's my knitted slouch hat...
     ...and here it is right now, after knitting almost all between a couple of naps!...
        ....Is it starting to look like a hat yet?! ^_^ I can kinda, sorta, with my head tipped sideways, see it!
     Okay, back to news...Hubby had a doctor's appointment yesterday too. He's been dreading it for months now. At the last visit, the doctor told him to go on a special diet...a special eating program really. He doesn't need to lose weight, but his Cholesterol is high. The doctor told him that if it didn't go down by this visit he might have to put him on a medication to lower it...Liperol.
    Hubby heard some bad things about this medication that scared him and he REALLY doesn't want to take it! So, he was very anxious about the visit...But, as it turns out, he got a least for a little while! His cholesterol had gone down a little. From 192 to 182. Still not 'good', but enough so that the doctor didn't want to give him the drug just yet!
    Truth is....hubby barely followed the special diet AT ALL!...Grrrr!...I just 'force fed' him good stuff the last few months...alongside his pastries and other bad stuff he loves so much! :-)) Good thing some of the 'good stuff ' knocked off some of the 'bad stuff' when they met in his body!!...But the doctor scared him this time around, talking about the heart attack or stroke he could be setting himself up for if he didn't start seriously watching what he eats...even though he's a pretty healthy guy for his age.
     I think hubby got it this time!! He's already talking differently. He REALLY doesn't want to have to take that drug!!...Or listen to me yapping at him all the time about it. I can be pretty relentless if given a tiny bit of a reason, and a good soap box to get up on top of!! LOL
     Now, to the last reason I was so bummed yesterday. I watched "Oprah". It was about the little girl that was kept in a cage in the basement by her parents until she was 7 years old. It was so sad. :-( And unfortunately it got me to thinking about my  tough childhood. It wasn't that bad. I wasn't in a literal cage, I mean...But it was bad enough!
     The girl is now in her 20s. She went back to the house, and to the basement, where she had been kept. She hadn't been back there since she had been removed by the police...Memories came flooding back to her mind. And not good memories. :-(  I could feel her pain because this happened to me too, when I went back and saw the house I grew up in as a child.
      Just like her, a lot of my memories are fragmented. And just like her, I don't know where the line is between what I actually remember, versus what other people told me happened...All I know is that I'm thankful,...just like her, have survived it!! And thankful that I became the girl I am now, despite it!!...That's really 'Good News'!! :-) But it inspired a poem...of course! :-) It's not a very happy poem because of it's subject matter, but as soon as I put it on paper, usual, my mood lifted!! :-)
       So, I'm in a good enough mood to go back to the purple knitted hat!!! YAY!!! {No! I'm not being sarcastic....this time! LOL}

I Remember

I remember bright shadeless light bulbs,
wondering if I'd soon be dead;
An army blanket with a hole,
and always starving to be fed.

I remember angry faces;
The strong smell of alcohol;
The things we could not touch;
Waiting for the social worker's call.

I remember running away,
but having nowhere safe to go;
I remember being touched
in ways I shouldn't have to know.

I remember being chased,
and sleeping three girls to a bed;
And adults with an agenda,
and never trusting what was said.

I remember fluffy biscuits.
Somehow there never were enough.
I remember that my childhood
was really, really tough.

I remember when things changed;
That sweeping feeling to be free;
Now I remember every day,
and don't forget to just be me!


  1. I think that it is great that your hubby's cholesterol is coming down. I think it is always better to try changing diet first before taking medication.

    I saw the Oprah episode yesterday. It was so sad. I could not believe that the parents only received 1 year in jail. The kids are the ones that have to spend a lifetime of healing. It is sad that the children were separated and that some of them do not even communicate.

    I hope that you have a great day today!

  2. *sniff* *sniff*....that poem made me so sad for you! I had a tough childhood too, but it doesn't even come close to compare to yours. I'm sorry you had a sad day yesterday. I'm sure things will go well for your Dad. As for hubby, he does need to stick to his diet regimen. I take meds for high cholesterol because I do eat right, but it doesn't matter. Lots of heart disease in my family, so it's important! I don't even think about the risks, I just want to live....forever!! It's only temporary anyway.\
    Your hat is really coming along! I like it!! Can't wait to see the finished product.
    I'm off for the to you later.

  3. EvenAndy, Thanks for the comment. And yes, I think hubby's cholesterol coming down is pretty good too. WHEW!...And boy are you right about the kids having to do a lifetime of healing!!! Unfortunately I've found it true too, that trying to keep relationships with the siblings that have come through the fire with you is hard. :-( I think some just want to pretend it never happened, and others don't know how to get beyond it. It's like a emotional sunburn every time you mention it...One day at a time is the only way to do it!!

  4. CinLynn, I'm sorry the poem was sad, but you know me...It is what it is! And after it was written down everything was fine again! :-]...You're no doubt right about dad and hubby too. With a little bit of attention to some things, they'll both be fine soon...He's gonna find some comfort in the fact that you're taking medication for your Cholesterol too...Comfort in your shared pain. How terrible, huh?! LOL But hey! However we get to FOREVER, it's all good!!! ^_^ Okay, off to work on the hat!! Have a good day my friend!

  5. You wrote the poem down so nicely! I am so sorry you had to deal with these things in your childhood... Sad to hear about your dad too, I hope the pain goes away today or tomorrow the latest and he wont have to suffer for a week! But it's good that he let you know this.
    Tell your hubby he needs a proper diet because we all said so in the blog-land! No arguing! LOL

  6. I was sad reading this post in fact i cryed when i read your poem i was keeping it in until that point. That poor little girl and poor you i really felt like you wrote that poem through your eyes as a child and it really touched me. Its so very sad sometimes in life what we have to go through. But our experiences have to make us stronger i think and with out those you would not be the lovely lady you are today. My thoughts are with you for your fathers opp also. Keep smiling, knitting and crochet and just being you ;-)) hugs dee x

  7. Mariann, Thank you so much. That poem came so easy...unfortunately. And I hope you're right about my dad's pain too...As to hubby's diet, I think his working for a company that makes pastries and cupcakes is what his problem is! All day long, with all that processed sugar!! LOL I think he's going to try to be a 'good boy' this time though...I hope! But I'll tell him what you said!! ^_^

  8. delia, Thank you so much for the encouraging comment. Seems like I'm making everybody sad today though. :-( But that's not my intent. Just saying it like it I always do. And for me, writing is very therapeutic. One of these days I may publish my book I wrote about my day! :-)) I think you're right that we can become stronger through our life's experiences, but I look forward to the day when that kind of strength will not even be necessary because the world will have become a softer gentler place to live. :-)

  9. oh, my gosh.....your poem. It brought tears.

  10. Awwww...First of all...I Pray your dad is feeling someone in constant stinks! Secondly, so glad your hubby is taking control of his doesn't situation..My hubby had a Dr speak to him (very scarily) way back, saying he wont see his kids grow up of he doesn't change things...THAT worked! Cigarettes went away, he started walking, dropped excess weight, and now runs marathons and is healthiest person I know! Sometimes men need to be (scared) into listening! However and whatever way reaches them , as long as the message gets through. Thirdly, Oprahs show made me sob! And we had a gray day here all around, skies, feelings, you name ..Thank you for shouting out about my treasury..I truly love those button covers........and your talent, and your humor..and I value our cyber friendship :~} Hugs

  11. A very somber Facing 50 tonight after reading your post.I'll avoid writing glib poems today and save them for next time.
    Firstly I hope your Dad gets his surgery soon and feels much, much better very quickly. It's such a frustration to have to wait and I feel sometimes so uneccessary too.
    Secondly your naughty husband he should follow the diet. Mind you men just don't seem to do as they are told...Hubby being a case in point. My doctor told me a secret once that if I wanted a low cholesterol test reading I should drink white wine the night before the test (just a couple of glasses) and it would change the results - great advice eh? Don't tell your husband though.
    Lastly I thought your poem was truly poignant. I know what you mean about fragmented memories too. I hope you are feeling better now and can finish that lovely hat.
    Friendliest wishes from across the pond.

  12. SOiNTOiT, :-( I'm sorry...But just so you know, I felt much better as soon as it was written down....Released!

  13. Midwestmermaid, Thank you so, so much for all of the encouraging words!! Sorry that you know about the constant pain thing too. :-( And you are so right about men and their doctor thing {generally speaking of course. Not all men!} Why there has to be an element of fright is beyond me!! But as you say...Whatever works!!...Now to the happier news! It was my pleasure to share your treasury! And I was thankful to have my brooches included! :-)

  14., Sorry about the somberness. :-( I'm already back to my usual self now though!....Watch out!! LOL Shhhh! Mum's the word about the white wine!! {Although he wouldn't try that anyway. He hasn't had anything alcoholic in more than 25 years...or more!} And why do doctors tell patients stuff like that anyway?!...Are the secretly trying to make patients more unhealthy so they can make money off of them?!...Hmmmm...I'm glad you could understand my fragmented poem. It's the kind of thing I hope stays fragmented too!...I have moved on and dug in with my knitting needles and this hat! It's coming along too!....SLOWLY...but coming along. ^_^ Thank you so much for your encouraging words.


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