Monday, March 7, 2011

I Don't Know If I Want To Be Your Friend

       You're probably thinking that this is a strange photo to be sharing on a Monday, but it has to do with how I was feeling this weekend...Don't worry. I'm not going to get that 'deep' with this post. It's Monday, after all. Everybody is probably already emotionally 'down' because they have to start the work week again after a fabulous weekend! :-]
    But it's one of those posts where I feel like I need to talk about what happened so you'll understand my mood if you see it in my writing...First, let me start out with the part of my weekend that gave me smiles though. :-)
      I made another tiny flower to put on a necklace! And I put one of the rarest buttons I have on it. It's a vintage button...worth some money!...I've been saving this button for just the right project that I could put it on and not feel guilty about having to charge for what it's worth. This necklace will be it!
      I also, per the customer's request, made 2 more lapel pins.
        A green and brown one...which doesn't actually have a button attached yet. (I suggested this button to the customer. I'm waiting to hear if it's a yes or no.)
     And then this lilac and white one. (I suggested two buttons for this one. Either the white button with the gold trim....
       ...or just a plain pearl button.
      I know which one it would be if it was me. But I'm not the customer!! :-))
    Okay, back to what happened this weekend...I was over on Facebook, checking out my 'friends', scrolling down, looking at what everybody was up to, member's faces starting rolling by. Usually this would bring a little smile to my face. I kinda liked seeing what everybody was up to....Usually!
    But as I started to read, I found myself getting more and more upset. And then tears!! I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to give you a little bit of back story for you to be able to understand...I've told you about my childhood. That it wasn't very good. But I haven't told you a lot of the details because....Well, because!! :-)
    And as I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings with this post, I'm not going to get into a lot of the details here either. But in order for you to understand I have to tell you that I was abused....sexually a family member who is no longer alive. That family member's photo was going by in my stream on Facebook. A face I hadn't seen for YEARS!!
     Some of my family members were sharing photos and niceties about him...the abuser.  {And before you start thinking this is going to turn into an angry post, let me assure you it won't! I've dealt with the particulars of this abuse a long time ago. And these family members know all about it.}
     The problem is that this man...the closely related to other family members of mine. Family members who have a right to talk about him in a kind way, seeing as their experience with him is totally different from mine...But It's the nice words toward him, and the photos of him going by, that made me sad.
     Sometimes I feel kind of isolated in the family because of how I have to dance the dance of acceptance of relatives and yet protecting my space;...respecting other people's feelings and relationships, and yet also making sure I don't get my feelings hurt for no reason;...getting involved with what's going on in everybody's life, and yet minding my own business! It's a hard tight rope to walk sometimes!!
     So, I took a chance and did something that I'm probably going to make some family members upset about...I 'UNfriended' these relatives on my Facebook account...I know they're going to think I'm being petty and unforgiving...which is not true by the way. But I just don't want to have to go over to Facebook, with a smile on my face, and then run into abusive family members faces, or conversations about how much he's missed, or see other long lost family members asking to hear the stories about his death, etc....I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE IT!!
    I don't have any problem with it happening! I think it makes perfect sense that relatives would share stories about their loved ones. But since my experience is not going to be welcomed as part of the conversation, why should I be watching it as if I'm a nervous on-looker, sitting in the corner waiting to be heard?!...I figure, if they want to talk TO ME they still can. Just send me a direct message. And I can directly talk to them if I want. But no more photos of stuff and people I don't want to be reminded of, floating by in my stream...thank you very much!!
    So tell me, do you think I'm being mean?!...How would you handle this?! I'm just doing the best I can...I have lots of family. Lots of loving relationships. Just a little alone in this particular situation....and feeling a little bit wounded. 
     But sometimes you have to take a stand for what you know is right for you...That's what I did when confronting my abuser. That's what I did when choosing my faith. That's what I had to do here!

Stand For Something

I heard an expression one time
that made the depths of my heart sing.
It said: "You have to stand for something,
or you'll  fall for anything".

I'm sure that when I heard it
it didn't  mean what it means now.
It was just a thought to others
that before "them",I'd  not bow!

But my life's  been taking turns,
and I've  grown a strong belief-
that you have to pick a course,
and into something, put your teeth.

You can't  be swaying back and forth
like floating tides that ebb and flow.
You've  got to really stand for something-
and for something that you "know"!

For me, that 'something'  is Jehovah God.
His laws and principles I've  learned.
They're  written deep upon my heart.
They're  why my life has truly turned.

So, I won't  stand for 'anything',
because the Bible will explain.
It explains that God has promised
'no more sorrow, death or pain'.

He has given us the tools
of accurate knowledge that we need
to ward off harmful thinking-
and in God's  word-this we read.

The fruitage of God's  spirit-
We can work to have all nine.
That will help us stand for something,
so, in life, we won't  be blind.

The nine are: Love and Joy and Peace
and Long-Suffering, Kindness too.
Then there's  Goodness, Faith and Mildness,
Self-Control-all these we do.

With the knowledge that we gain,
and these qualities that we wear,
we won't  just fall for anything,
because we'll  stand for something rare.


  1. First of all...I LOVE the poem! It's all so true!
    I'm sorry you had such a terrible childhood. No one should ever have to deal with abuse of that kind!!! The truth is what has helped you to heal and you need to stay well, spiritually especially, but also mentally and emotionally. So that being said, you had no choice in this situation. You did what anyone would do. So don't beat yourself up over it cuz like you said, if they want to talk to you, they can send you a personal message. The photos and words were just pouring salt on your wounds. They sting. So good for you...for making a stand!!

    Also I LOVE the little yellow flower!! Those little ones are so cute! Bravo!

  2. CinLynn, I knew you'd appreciate that poem. :-) And I appreciate your support in my decision. It's done...and I haven't had a regretful thought about it since I did it!...Thanks for the nice words about my tiny flowers too! I think I'm going to start listing them in the shop today...later on...Have a good day my friend!

  3. Hugs from NY! I think that you are such a big person to move on from your childhood abuse. I also think that you should not have to subject yourself to reliving the situation. I would have defriended them too. You have a right to be protective of your emotions and feelings. I hope that you have a wonderful Monday and week!!

  4. Sorry to hear about your awful past. I am glad you were able to move past it. I like using facebook but sometimes I think that I wish I didn't because of the things you may see or find out through the grapevine that could potentially be upsetting.

    Hope you have a better week! :)

  5. EvenAndy, Thank you very much for the encouragement. You got exactly how I was feeling too. Not angry, just protective of my own feelings and emotions. I lived through the original abusive situation, survived it, and moved on. Now I just want to 'stay in my lane', so to speak, without having people swerving into it all the time. LOL Thank you.

  6. Cathy, I like Facebook too, but, like you say, the grapevine stuff can get to you! :-)) Some things I'd rather not know until I'm fully prepared. I like to take little bites of some information, so I can digest it well. But that was too much...too fast!

  7. Deb, this one is a little hard for me as a religous person I try and use the Lords words to guide me. We are to turn the other cheek and I have always asked how many times do I have to turn the other cheek and then I remember too that we are to seperate ourselves from the unGodly so as not to get pulled away from the ways of the Lord. You have every right to keep yourself safe physically and mentally. If defriending them keeps you safe then you did the right thing. Don't beat yourself up about it. Continue moving forward. You've come a long way from all the bad that has happened in your life. Your caring and loving huge heartedness that you display in your blogs and personality is so amazing espaecially with what you have been through. Love you, your crafts, and poems. Have a wonderful day!!!!

  8. SnowflakeDreams1, Thank you so much for all of the wonderful encouragement. Yes, it's hard sometimes knowing what to do in some situations, but in this one it was strictly a matter of not letting myself get emotionally bogged down...My issue wasn't about whether he was abusive or not...HE WAS!...But he has passed away. Now, those of us still alive have to learn to deal with the legacy he left behind...whether we want to, or not! I have to continually figure out the answer to that question...for the sake of keeping family relationships intact...I'm not beating myself up over the decision. It's done...and it needed to be done...for my sake and the sake of my sanity. :-) I frequently turn the other cheek. But in this case I applied Proverbs 26:20...'Where there is no wood, the fire goes out'. I simply choose not to add any more wood to the fire he started long ago.

  9. aww.. I'm sorry you had to go through ALL of this. As a victim of sexual abuse, myself, I completely understand why you did what you did. What I don't understand is other people glorifying someone that did something so terrible, and I don't care who they are or how they're related. I think it's unacceptable. And you're right, if they care about you and your feelings, they will understand your choice to unfriend them, and they will find another method of communicating with you.

  10. Hollie, I'm sorry to know that you understand where I'm coming from here in a personal way. But just to clarify one thing...they didn't glorify what he did at all. They just have a different relationship with him than I do. (It's more complicated than I can say here. Maybe I'll email you.)...Thank you for your encouragement though.

  11. I'm so sorry that you've had such a horrible thing happen to you as a this as an adult. You know you did the right thing, so I'm just going to say "Good for you!" Fence sitting, as I like to call it, doesn't work for long. You have to decide which side is yours and live it. You have such a strong faith and you also live that faith. I'm not a facebook fan. I had an account for a bit, but hated how it was used by I cancelled the whole kit and kaboodle and don't miss it at all.

  12. yaya, Thank you!! I got your message loud and clear! :-] And you know, I've never been a good 'fence sitter'. I pick a side and, come what may, I'm 100% committed. It's taken me many years to get to that, but it feels good to live every day without regret. It doesn't mean I'm always right, but I'm always making the choice I think is best for me at the time. If I learn better..I do better the next time!...By the way, I think the trick with Facebook is being careful who you "Friend"!...or UN-friend. :-))

  13. Debbie,
    What is facebook? Who cares... you don't need to friend people you don't want to, especially if they post things that make you remember horrible happenings. I know they're not doing it just to hurt you, but you don't need this. You don't need to waste 1 second of your time remembering "bad things". And Debbie, I'm sorry I'm calling what happened to you bad thing, it's just because I can not handle situation like that. I just get really upset. I have people very close to me that has been through this.
    I'm sorry you went through, I really am.

  14. Priscila, Thank you so so much for the encouraging words. I can feel your emotion about this subject jumping off of the screen...I understand not wanting to talk about it. I wouldn't either, if it wasn't so therapeutic for me to let it out, rather than to let it in! (If you know what I mean.) I hope that the people close to you, that have been through this too, find some peace too, as I have. Some things, in my opinion, have to be taken care of by someone higher than ourselves. I know it probably sounds a little corny, but I "let go, and let God"!! But I keep reminding myself and protecting myself in the areas I have control of...Thank you for sharing.


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