Sunday, March 13, 2011

Family....The Storm You Hope Passes Over!

       This print by becmudd (and the others used in today's post) describes my mood today. I'm hanging on, waiting for the storm to pass by...First thing I need to do today is apologize in advance to you that read my blog regularly. Usually I like to keep it light. But I need to give you an update about something I was recently talking about. And I'm afraid it's not going as well as I hoped it would. :-( 
     It's not about my dad's health though...even though it does involve him. (He's in pain, but doing okay health-wise.) It's about my siblings.
     As you know, recently my dad had two visits to the hospital. Because of my health I could not physically go to be with him. But, as he lives with one of my sisters, I was sure I would get a call if anything ever happened with him. Well...I was wrong! I was not informed about it, in either case, until my dad mentioned it...after he was back home! And in the first case it had been an emergency hospital visit that could have taken my dad's life! 
      Needless to say, I was very upset that not one of my sisters...not the one that lives in the house with him, or the three others that live in the same town as he does...bothered to call me when he was in the hospital, or afterward for that matter!! And up until yesterday I had not been able to talk directly to any of  them! Not for want of trying though.
     It started to feel like something was going on. Something I didn't understand, seeing that even though we haven't been very close, we weren't feuding or anything...Although maybe it had something to do with my mother or my background issues with her...I don't know! {I talked about my solution to that issue in the post HERE.}
      Anyway, day before yesterday I had a VERY long conversation with my dad about it all. I told him that I don't know what's going on; why all of a sudden there is NO communication coming from my sisters...or brothers for that matter; why, even though my phone number rings in their house with a special ring-tone so that they know it's me and not bill collectors {dad doesn't like them to answer those! LOL}, they still don't pick it up!! It just rings and rings and rings when I call!
       It's a little confusing! :-/ ...Well dad confirmed yesterday that in fact something is going on. He thinks it has something to do with my mother, and the fact that I am not his biological child...and they are!...and there may be some jealousy over the fact that he and I are so very close. Isn't that sad?! :-( Here we are in our 40s and 50s and NOW they're going to start being childish about things that just simply need to be honestly talked about and moved on from?!
      Now, what REALLY makes me sad is that this whole thing is now disturbing my father. He's starting to talk about what's going to happen to the family if he dies, etc.... I informed him that I'm not now gong to become somebody different from who I am just to make them happy with me! I have spent years trying to break down those walls! Driving for hours every weekend to go and visit them (which was only reciprocated on a couple of occasions by two of the sisters...riding together!); going over to their house to cook, or bringing my famous cheesecakes...as many and whatever kinds were requested; making crocheted blankets for babies being born; sending gifts and cards for baby showers, etc.... (but not even one card was sent on any of my husband and I's 28 anniversaries!!!)...I could go on, but I won't. :-(
     So, I informed my father day before yesterday that I was done trying to over-impose myself into the family. And that if they were interested in a relationship with me, I would be here. They know my number. They know where I live...And while I will not change my personality, religion, or relationship with him for them, I am willing to try to get to some kind of cordial meeting of the minds.
     Cut to yesterday. The phone call from my sister. I didn't answer it at first because I had guests. We were talking and sharing a bit of spiritual encouragement and I didn't want to interrupt that for a personal conversation about my family problems! So I waited until they left, and then I called her back.
    I started the conversation with an apology that I hadn't answered earlier, and told her why. She seemed fine with that. Then she started talking. About her new venture that she's into now. Crocheting! We talked a little about that, and then.....silence! :-/ I asked why had she called now. Was it because dad had talked to her? She said yes and wanted to know why had I had dad call her?! :-/ I told her that I didn't!! But that I had had a conversation with him about the family and why we aren't close.
     She got agitated and said I should let the past go. I shouldn't be wanting to talk about the way things were. She said: "I call you all the time!!"......What?!....Uh....no you don't! In fact, I reminded her, when dad was in the hospital just recently I didn't even get a phone call! She said: "Well, I figured since you guys are so close, he'd call you and tell you himself.".....WOW!! That comment kinda hurt! It sounded kinda sarcastic.
     Then I said: "You know, I've be ill for quite a while and none of you...." She cut me off. "Well, whose fault is that?"....WOW! This conversation was really getting disturbing. I tried my best to hold it together emotionally after that! It SOOOO didn't sound like her! So, I went silent. She said: "Hello!!" I said: "Yes?" She said: "Go ahead!" I said: "No, I think I'm done." She said: "Okay, bye!" and hung up!!!!! She just hung up, just like that!!!! :-/
     No, I didn't cry. I'm just sad. I'd love for things to be better with my siblings and I, but short of holding my breath until I turn blue, agreeing to never EVER talk about the past, cut my relationship with my father a bit, and kissing all of their....Well. I won't say it, but you know what I mean....I don't think it's going to happen. I'll just have to keep praying about it. What else can I do?! I don't want to waste another minute of my valuable time on people...even if they're related to me....who don't want to waste energy on me!
    I have a very large spiritual family. I'll "waste" my energy on them. They really appreciate me. Love me. Visit me. Help me out with anything I need. Run errands for me. Cook for me. Laugh with me. Cry with me. Worship with me. I won't ever be completely without family as long as I have them! :-) Thanks Family!!!
      Today's poem is in honor of my spiritual family. Real family. Related or not. I'll have to let my other family situation alone for a while. I need to stay encouraged. Life is too short! :-)


Every Congregation Has One

Every congregation has one:
An Elder that gains our respect
by working hard out in the service
and on each one he keeps a check.

Every congregation has one:
A child that hasn't  learned to read,
who can't  wait to join the school
and learn just how to take the lead.

Every congregation has one:
A teenager, not quite full grown,
who loves assisting at the meetings,
presenting talks, and microphones.

Every congregation has one:
A widow working through their grief,
spending valued time in service,
giving others much relief.

Every congregation has one:
A brother that is reaching out
to progress in Bible teaching-
shaking new ones from their doubt.

Every congregation has one:
An older sister, dearly loved,
who shares her heart and skills in cooking,
and her love of God above.

Every congregation has one:
A person that is kind of shy,
But if you take the time to know them,
their love for God will make you cry.

Every congregation has one:
A person spiritually weak
who needs to know that we all love them
and that they're  joy is what we seek.

Every congregation has one:
A mother, father, sibling,friend,
who we 'incite to love and fine works' 
as this system nears the end.

Now, almost everybody's  covered
and that is why this poem's  done;
A group that dearly love Jehovah-
every congregation has one.
 

14 comments:

  1. My dear sister....first off...I LOVE the poem! I agree totally that our family in the Truth is the most valuable and stable family we have!! I as you, have an estranged relationship with my family and so family in the Truth has been invaluable!!!
    I'm so sorry things have to be so hard in yours. I'm thrilled that the relationship with your Dad is so close! And I just encourage you to stay close to him too! Never mind about the others! They are acting a bit childish!
    Keep praying for help and encouragement and I'll be praying for you too!

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  2. CinLynn, Thank you so much for the kind words of support. Of course you always do!! :-) You are part of my family too, and I value our relationship also...probably more than you know. :-) Have a good day my friend!! {The info on marriages today is gonna be sooooo good!! ^_^ Gonna be a lot of elbowing in the sides going on!!!}

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  3. Family can be so hard to deal with sometimes. I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time with them now and all I can say is it has everything to do with the stress of your father not being in the best health. Just remember, it's them, not you, and I hope they stay in touch after he is gone. If not, Jehovah will keep an eye on them and draw them close in other ways if their hearts are so inclined. Thank you Jehovah for giving us such wonderful spiritual friends to love and support us through all of lifes ups and downs! I hope you continue to find comfort in that.

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  4. Kelly, All I can say to your comment is "Here! Here!" Said perfectly!! :-) Thank you!

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  5. Wow, Deb. I feel so sad about everything! That is so sad how your siblings are revealing their "real feelings" now - after all these years! You would think older = wiser...

    All I can say is keep relying on your spiritual family right now. That's all you can do to keep yourself positive and not get sucked into all the negativity. We all know negativity is a ploy to keep us down and not focus on what's really important.

    Stay positive, keep praying and keep on your personal study to help you get through this! :D

    (side note: Yes, that marriage article today will provoke some 'arm-nudging' lol I'm not married, but I'm sure I'll get some looks come next week for the singleness article :D)

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  6. Denise, Thanks for the encouragement...so much!! You're so right too! We I, and all of us, can do is the best we can, and try not to get sucked into the vortex of negativity. Some things in this world are beyond our control to do anything about...no matter how much we want to!!

    I can focus on my spiritual family and my hubby though! :-) And with today's WT that's what I'll be doing...And I'll be thinking about you next week!! ^_^ Thanks!

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  7. Deb, I feel for you and the heart ache that you are going through with your family. I wish I could give you answers and words of wisdom. You are right life is to short to wasting energy on people that don't want to waste an ounce on you. If only they knew you like we know you here. You are loving, kind, funny, artistic, crafty. full of life and you have such a big heart. WE love you and look forward to you daily postings. Love all your poems. Continue your faith in the Lord it will get you through.Hope tomorrow is a better day.

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  8. My Dear friend Deb., Your poem is just great and is so very true with our spiritual family. I am so very sorry for your family being and treating you that way. I so very agree with Cindy, it is important for you to stay close to your Dad no matter what and how the rest of the family feels. They are losing out on having a great friend and relationship with you. Like you said, Keep praying about it. I am only close with my brother and one sister. The rest of my family is the same way, they don't reach out to me at all. I have always treasured my spiritual family. I have a great Sister that I have never met and I look So forward to meeting someday. Love and Hugs. Peg

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  9. SnowflakeDreams1, Awwwww! What sweet words. :-] I know what you're going through too, so I really take your words with the concern intended...It's 4:20 a.m. on Monday right now and I feel great! Me and hubby had a good weekend together, giggling and talking. I'm ready to start my new week with a smile! :-)

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  10. Peg, Thank you so much for the wonderful words of encouragement! As you say, my situation will continue to be a subject of my prayers, but not something for me to feel down about. Once I knew I'd done all I could do, then I also knew that it was not in my hands anymore!...And, once again, I find something we have in common! I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters that I've never met either...my biological father's children. 2 older than me, 2 younger! What a small world it is!!! :-) I hope to meet them one day too! Oh! The things I'll have to talk about with them!!! :-))

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  11. I don't know what any of that is like. All I can say is Jesus loves you :) Plus im sure your husband is great!

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  12. Here Comes the Sun's Hubby, Ha! Ha! Well, good for you that you don't know what it's like!!! :-)) {I don't believe a word of that!! LOL} And yes, my God and my husband love me dearly!...Thaks for your comment! :-)

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  13. That's tough... and REALLY strange for them to start feeling jealous at the age of 40-50!!! :S I'm so sorry to hear all that and hope your dad will be healthy again soon! I must say you are taking this all very well. I would be really upset but good for you for being strong and sticking to who you are!! :)

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  14. Mariann, Yeah, it's tough. And if I was an insecure person, or actually thought I'd done something to deserve this treatment, maybe it would be harder to deal with. But I haven't done ANYTHING to deserve this treatment, except not allow myself to be emotionally controlled!...I'm hopeful that maybe they'll see things differently at some point, and contact me, willing to REALLY talk things through and get to a different place. If not...nothing I can do...The truth is, it's as simple as this: my faith is the reason I'm handling this as I am. I cannot recommend my God as someone they should get to know,..and I certainly hope they do!...if I allow myself to be lowered to behave in an unbecoming way. I want to represent him in the way that I was taught to. So, out of respect to him, I try every day, no matter what situation I'm in....and I end up in some 'doozies!' :-) ...to bring honor to him. {Not unusual. I do this in the same way that anyone who is a member of any organization want to represent the tenants of that organization in their every day life...Religious or not.} I'm not perfect. Just doing the best I can. :-) And they're trying t make it hard for me!! LOL

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