Sunday, June 26, 2011

Where Are Your Manners?!!...Beyond The Sea?!

      I had an incident happen to me earlier this week that I 'had' decided to just move on from, and chock it up to just a case of someone having bad manners...Then another incident happened!...Then I went by Blooming Lovely's blog last night and saw her post about what happened to her son Angus, and realized that I wasn't the only one this is happening to! 
        So, first, I wrote a poem about it...which you can see at the end of this post. Then I decided that enough was enough! That while I was trying not to talk about it because it wasn't a very positive subject, I was already annoyed and needed to get it off of my chest! 
      How do I do that?! First I prayed about it.......and felt a lot better! :-) Then I decided to talk about it here on the blog. Therapy for me!...So, here goes! And no worries. I'm going to be sure to do this...
        Incident number one involved a relative who shall remain nameless (but if you've been following my blog for a while you'll know who I'm talking about!....Grrrrr!)...My dad got sick again...very! I didn't know because the situation has deteriorated to where I no longer call his house...(where he lives with the person of the first part, who shall remain nameless! LOL) I don't call him. He calls me.
      So, after a HOSPITAL visit, and almost a week of not being able to find my number...because the 'party of the first part' apparently...{and I have to say 'apparently', because I didn't actually see it done with my own two eyes}...removed my phone number from dad's phone!...my dad called. He was sorry that he hadn't let me know what was going on with him...{See! 'He' has manners!!}
       Then he proceeded to apologize that he doesn't know my phone number by heart; that it was programmed into his phone; that he couldn't call me from the hospital anyway; and that he was sure the 'party of the first part' would tell me! :-( It made me so sad that he had done all of this fretting over it and...thanks to the 'party of the first part's' rudeness...apparently had to be concerned...while 'he' was in the hospital...about 'MY' feelings! :-(
       All it would have taken was a simple courteous phone call. I mean...he is 'our' father! {That's not talking about the removing my number from the phone thing!...Grrr!} I mean...how rude can you be?! Weren't you raised with some manners?!...Considering the fact that we were raised in the same house, I know the answer....YES! {There were some other problems, but manners wasn't the problem!}
       Since I could't do anything about it anyway, I 'had' decided to let that go...Then this week...another incident! A very loved friend asked if I would be her Bible teacher for a short time...to finish a book. I informed her that if I agreed we would have to pick a day that would work with both of our schedules, and that it would have to be set at that time each week. No flipping around!! And on time! I even told her that I wasn't sure this was a good idea...because of past incidents {I won't get into that!}.  "Are you sure you can do this?!....Are you sure you want to do this?!".......Yes! Please!
       So, the first week it went like 'clock-work'...so to speak. We were both prepared, she was on time. It was great! I thought to myself: "Whatever were you worried about?!"
    Then the next week...five minutes past the time she was suppose to be there I received a phone call saying she was on the way. O_0 She was leaving work....{work? HUH?! She didn't have a job set for this day before!}...and she would be there in about fifteen minutes.
     Now, I'll just say right here that maybe I could have been a little lenient and let her come, and go ahead and have the study for the remaining 30 or 40 minutes {It was an hour study}. But because of past issues with extreme tardiness on her part, I was feeling like: "Oh No! Here we go again!"
      So I said for her not to come; that we'd just wait until next week at the agreed upon time...Cut to a week later...
     AGAIN, this time five minutes before the agreed upon time, I got another phone call from her saying she would be late!!...My patience at this point was rather thin, I must admit. What ran through my head was her repeated disrespect of other people's time...not only mine, and the fact that I had WARNED her that I would be very strict about my time. I had to be. Not only because of her, but because I have a fixed schedule of my own and some health issues...including a tendency to forget things that aren't on a regular schedule for me!
     She said: "It's not my fault!"....O_0 Really?! Well whose fault is it?!...It's not mine! ^_^ I didn't say that to her though. That would have been bad-mannered. LOL ... I could tell she was annoyed with my refusal...again...to have the study. Especially since she offered to go a little past the time if necessary.
     I said no because, frankly, I wanted my 'yes' to mean 'yes', and my 'no', 'no'! And I also was exhausted and needed a nap!...You know how I am at nap time..^_^....and having her study at the agreed upon time was a little too close to my nap time in the first place!!
     We agreed to re-schedule....UGH!!!!! It was to be the next morning....EARLY!..8'O clock a.m. early!! And considering the fact that now her schedule was not going to allow her to have the study at the first agreed upon time, this early 8 O'clock time was going to be the new agreed upon time....*sigh*
    I asked her to call me the night before to just re-remind me. {I knew I might lose track of this new time from Monday to now Saturday morning} She said she was setting her phone timer...or something...to remind her to call me...Cut to Saturday morning, an hour before the NEW agreed upon time for the study.
    I DID NOT get a phone call the night before, as I was told I would. But thankfully I had not forgotten!....*taking a moment to smile and pat myself on the back*...But seeing as I had not gotten my 'Don't Forget' phone call, I was wondering if the study was still on...{as I sat there at 7 a.m. preparing, pulling my reference books out that I would be using to show her how to do Bible research.}
     So I called her. She was in a good mood. Yes! The study was on, but.....{Uh Oh! I didn't want to hear a but!}...her husband, at the last minute, had decided that he was going fishing this morning. In fact he was already gone. And now two of her four children, and her grandmother who recently came up from out of state, would be with her....*sigh*
     Somebody needs a guide to good manners. And I don't think it's me this time!...But again, I was annoyed. What I thought would be a quiet hour, focused on her learning, was now going to be frantic, 'mommy-juggling-too-many-balls-in-the-air' time! Especially since her littlest one DEMANDS her attention at all times...*deep breath*...What to do? What to do?!
    I knew that this would turn into an hour of her talking to and entertaining her kids and grandmother, and not so much about her learning. So, in as polite a way as I knew how to, I told her so. And I suggested that we re-re-reschedule the study again for the next day, late afternoon...again at 'MY' nap time!!...but before our meeting.
     She didn't like that I was changing it. I could hear that in her voice. But I'm a realist...and honest with people I come in contact with. As I want people to be with me!...She agreed.
    The next day I was waiting. Tired, but waiting...at the agreed upon 3rd time!! And you're not going to believe this, but SHE NEVER CAME!!!...Not only did she NOT come. She did not call to say that she was not coming!!!!!!!!!!!
     Now that's the truth....the whole truth.....and nothing but the truth!....I found out later that day that she had an excuse said something wonky happened and she ended up with the kids and.......blah! blah! blah!
      All due respect to her, it could have been totally true. But I think she was just mad that I didn't accept her coming the day before, and she decided to 'make me pay'. And SO I DID!!! LOL Because even if something wonky 'did' happen, she still could have called me!!! And instead of being rested and wide awake at the meeting, I sat there tired and having to keep trying to focus my brain securely on what the speaker was talking about!
    The end of the story is that I called her later that evening and told her that she hurt my feelings; that I thought what she did was really disrespectful; and that I didn't think that I deserved what she did. I also told her that I love her, but she's gonna have to find someone else to study with her. Clearly, if we are going to keep our friendship, she needs to have someone study with her that can 'go with the flow' of her schedule without argument or frustration....and that is NOT ME!!...She agreed. :-)
     So, after a little lightening up with a movie theme, and a poem....


Bad Mannered People

You would like to just excuse them,
but your feelings have been hurt.
They take your anticipation
and make you somehow feel like dirt.

Do they mean to be that rude?
All that we can think is: "Why?"
All they had to do was call.
Was it a manufactured lie?

The world's becoming more bad mannered.
"Please" and "Thank you" both have died.
"I am sorry" is forgotten.
It's been replaced with "Well, I tried!"

For the 'mannered' generation
it all feels just like abuse.
And disrespectful, rude bad habits
doesn't give them an excuse.

I guess all that we can do now
is treat them like a pup,
put some paper down and
wait till they grow up!



      THE END! :-)
        {Credit for above photos: Thanks A Lot Lilac Notecards by sparrownestscript; Mind Your Manners print by johnwgolden; Mr. Mokudu Hand Drawn Greeting Card "I Am Sorry..." by tzuyuyang; Mind Your Manners Collage, 5x7 Framed by AJthePurple; Say Please and Thank You Custom Wall Print by mateoandtobias; Sorry, I'm Latte-Print by ilovedoodle; Sesame Street GROVER'S Guide To Good Manners by thishandmadelife.}

16 comments:

  1. Gosh I feel for both you and Angus. It's hard when you get disappointed as you both have. A phone call is just common courtesy.
    I am so sorry that your Dad still isn't feeling the best. It must be frustrating for him not being able to remember your number. He is so sweet to have worried about not being able to call you.
    I love your poem! Sad to say but there must be lots of puppies about the place.

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  2. Jo-anne, Ha! Ha! You made me laugh about the puppies...and I think you might be right! ^_^ I hold out hope for all puppies though. I used to be one, so I know they CAN grow up!!...You reminded me too...I need to call my dad! :-] Have a good day Jo!

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  3. Difficult situation my friend! Glad you were able to stick to your guns and sort things out. So sorry that you didn't know about your Dad. You must be so frustrated!
    Have a great day and meeting!

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  4. CinLynn, It definitely sometimes is a difficult thing being 'me'!! But thanks to Jehovah I get it done somehow. He helps me remember that I'm not perfect, so I have to be mindful of other people's imperfections...while at the same time sticking to my resolve, with kindness. Not always easy to do, but always necessary to do!...And my frustration about it has lifted because I've done all I can do. Nothing to beat myself...or them...up over. Moving on.......Have a good day Bead, and enjoy the WT today. It was very helpful to me with this issue. :-]

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  5. I am so sorry about the situation with your Dad. It must be so hard for you. I sure do know what you mean about bad manners. They have gone by the wayside. It is very noticeable here in Texas. Where my father in law lives people are so considerate and polite. It is like night and day between there and here. I am sorry for your distress, but you are right. It is best for her to find someone else so you can maintain your friendship. I am the same way, very punctual. I hate being late. I am in the process of packing. We figured we would take our time going there, so we could enjoy the sites. It will be nice not having to be in any kind of hurry. Have a great day Deb. Hugs. Peg

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  6. Peg, Hi!! I thought for sure you were winding your way down the highway and into southern back-roads by now! ^_^ ... Thank you so much for the nice encouragement about my dad and this situation. I am originally from the south, Georgia, so maybe that has something to do with me and the 'manners' thing. Southerners 'ARE', generally speaking, polite and well-mannered, thinking of the other guy before themselves. Maybe my raising is making me more impatient than I need to be, but still....good manners is good manners, right?! I mean, Jehovah is good mannered!!...I'm sure it'll work itself out...with his help. :-) ... Good idea, by the way, to take your time and enjoy the trip. Make some good memories. They'll come in handy when you come back and get back into the rat race! LOL 'Happy Trails'!!! ^_^

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  7. Deb, Thank you so much for you post today I really needed to read that I'm not the only one. The peom is lovely and with your permission I would love to use it in my blog. I have family members that I am also dealing with at this moment ....grrrr.... but thanx to you I will get through it. So sorry to hear about your dad and your frustrations. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Have a wonderful day!!!!

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  8. SnowflakeDreams1, How nice to know that you found something in today's post that was encouraging to you. Please feel free to use the poem. I'm honored that you want to...And have a good rest of the day Velma. :-]

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  9. Wow, I am right there with you when it comes to the whole manners thing (or lack of!) AS for your friend, you had WAY more patience than I would have had! I can tolerate a lot, but taking advantage of a friendship like that is way over the top as far as I'm concerned. You handled that and the whole "Dad" thing with grace and good manners! :)

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  10. You have handled yourself better than I would have, my dear! You have the patience of a saint for going as far as you did with the Bible study situation. And the family member would have an earful from me! You poor thang.

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  11. trusk4u, Why, thank you! I was sure TRYING to do my best, and behave in a well-mannered way. Sometimes though, your best is not received in the way that you think it will be. I'm hopeful that after some reflection, and a little bit of time, we'll both be able to get past this situation...and also hopefully BOTH of us will have learned something for the next encounter. {Which won't be me studying with her though...just saying! LOL}

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  12. Pammy Sue, Thank you so much for the encouragement. I know I did the best I could at the time, but as in all situations, I can now see where I could have handled things even better. LIVE and LEARN...And truthfully, my patience is not what it once was...*deep sigh in regret of having to go through the 'Change'! LOL*...It takes so much more energy now to be polite and patient. I wish the people who dealt with me could see my warning sign (It's on my forehead! LOL It says: "Liable to blow if pushed"!! ^_^) Thanks to my God Jehovah for holding my hand. That's what helps keep my hand on the pressure handle! LOL Have a good week this week!

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  13. Oh dear ... what is this world coming to? This rude behavior seem to be the norm these days. I admire the way you handled yourself with your bible study friend. I think your actions showed her that she must treat you and your time with respect. You gave her more than enough chances!

    So sorry to hear your dad is still ailing. That situation sounds very frustrating. Grrr! Your dad sounds like a very compassionate man ... the apple does not fall far from the tree. I hope his health improves soon!

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  14. Julie, "...what is this world coming to?..." That's a very good question. Answer? Bad...and then good. :-) But the rude behavior right now is getting worse!!...Thank you for the encouragement about my situation. My friend is a wonderful person who has to do a little growing...as we all have had to. I know she will...I spoke with my dad last night. :-( Unfortunately his health is not getting any better. He now has a doctor's appointment...again...later this week. We'll see how it goes..And you're right about him being a very compassionate person. He has always had waaaay more love to go around than most men I've known. Maybe that's why I was brave enough to choose a good man for myself. :-) Have a good day! And thank you for always leaving such thoughtful comments.

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  15. Nicely said. Even I too appreciates your feelings. Well mannered people only in this world are gonna get the real treasure. Because manner matters a lot for every aspects of life.

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  16. hire web, Thank you very much...And I agree that being well-mannered is 'highly' treasured these days. I'm afraid 'good manners' is an art that seems to be escaping the masses these days though!

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