Tuesday, December 6, 2011

What Did You Think Marriage Would Be Like...Before You Got Married?!

        I know that some of you would prefer that I talk about anything other than the sappy love story exploits of me and Mr. Wug that I talk about on occasion around here...Even the weather! But considering that our weather here in Massachusetts consisted of a shallow earthquake (1.4 on the Richter scale) on Monday, rain like crazy today and tomorrow, and snow coming on Thursday....I don't wanna talk about the weather....UGH!!! 
     I wanna talk about what I got to thinking about when I was doing the study for my upcoming meeting on Sunday. The article is on "Wise Counsel On Singleness And Marriage"...I've been both...single and married. ^_^ It started out by saying that 'few aspects of life cause more elation, frustration, or worry than our dealings with the opposite sex'!!...That is sooooo true!
     It got me to thinking back about my wedding day. And about how different my life is now...as a married woman...from what it was like when I was single!...Do you all ever think about that?! How different your life is from what you thought your life would be when you got married?!
      When we tootled down the highway toward our honeymoon in Florida after our 'I Do's, all I remember thinking about was how much fun we were gonna have!...
        We had planned our whole wedding together. Music, location, food, guests and everything...without a hitch! We had even agreed on who was NOT gonna be at the wedding! :-) All we could see ahead of us was a life...always and forever...of love! ♥    

          Yes...that was 'Our Song'! LOL I even have video of hubby singing it...*giggling*...and one day.....probably when something freezes over...he's gonna let me share it with you! ^_^ Don't hold your breath on that one though...But trust me when I tell you...hubby singing 'always and forever' in his completely loud and toned-deaf way is the gift that keeps on giving all these years later!! ^_^
     As I was saying...as we tootled down that highway, him in his white tuxedo, and me in my white wedding dress with pink rollers in my hair by nightfall, we were two love-sick, unrealistic nuts, whose marital expectations needed some adjustment! ^_^ We had a dream...no! not like Martin Luther King ^_^...but, a dream that our marriage was going to be extraordinary, unlike any people who had ever been in love before!
     After all...we had married our best friends...
        Talk of potential trouble or problems arising were the furthest things from our minds!...Unrealistic Nuts! ^_^ ...The reality of our finances, and how different we were in the way we thought about things, became pretty clear almost as soon as we got home from the honeymoon though...We had to eat biscuits and syrup for about two weeks because we had spent every penny we had on the wedding and honeymoon!!
     And while I was ready for us to die in each other's arms from starvation if we had to...as long as we were together! ^_^...hubby was ready to work three jobs, around the clock if need be, so we could have some money and never get in this predicament ever again!!!...See what I mean?! ^_^
      We've been pretty happily married for almost thirty years now, so clearly we've learned a few things about how to squelch some of that fanciful expectation! But it sure would've been a lot easier if we had asked a few more questions than we did back in the beginning of our relationship! :-)
     Questions like...
--Do you want to live in an apartment or do you really need to own a home?! There were arguments for and against both answers!...I have to say, I really liked the idea of apartment living where someone else rakes leaves in the Fall, removes snow in the winter, and repairs everything in the house without sending you a bill!!...Hubby grew up in a family owned home and couldn't imagine not living in his own house!
--Are you a money saver or a money spender?!...Again, there's arguments for both sides. I'm the saver in our house, but I'm not a penny-pincher either...Hubby once bought a small piece of Kobe beef from the grocery store that cost almost $40.oo and never noticed!! He just paid for it and came home! When I asked him why the amount was so high he said he didn't know! O_O...My dad still teases him to this day about that! He invites himself over for dinner on occasion by leading with: "When am I gonna get one of those $40.00 beef meals you're so crazy about buying?!" LOL
--What are we gonna do for leisure time?!...Play cards, go out to dinner two or three times a week?...Fly to France for wine and cheese?! ^_^ Hubby and I have worked this one out pretty well!
--Where will we live?!...In the city where everything is at our fingertips and open all night, or in the country, where the air is fresh and clean and we can see the stars in the night sky?...We've done both at different times in our lives...and love both! :-)
--How often are we gonna visit the in-laws?!...Uhhhh...this one is still an on-going conversation all the time!!...I remember an 'Everybody Loves Raymond' episode where they were talking about where to buy a house. Deborah...which is my namesake! ^_^...and Ray decided the same as hubby and I did...We wanted to live close enough to the relatives that they'd have to get in the car and travel to come and visit, but not so far away that once they got there it would have to be an overnight stay! LOL {By the way, if you've never seen 'Everybody Loves Raymond' look HERE and HERE. LOL}
--How will we discipline the children...if we have any?...which we decided not to...Good thing too because we would definitely have been on two polar opposite sides of that debate!...We had a hint of it when both of our young sisters stayed with us one weekend and they got into the dumpster out back after we told them not to!...Hubby ended up crying more than his sister, who he was suppose to be giving a spanking! LOL
--Would overnight trips, like to ball games and girl getaways, without each other be allowed?!...We never had any issues with this one. We've always spent so much time together anyway that a little trip with the girls or the fellas was never an issue. :-] We're only talking a couple of days here though. More than that might have been an issue!
--Can we have friends of the opposite sex?...No!!!! Not unless they were both of our friends...and never with the 'friend' spending time alone with the other spouse!...We drew our marital line right there! And say what you want...we're still happily together! :-) And we've seen some really 'wonky' stuff done by so-called 'friends'!!
      There are other questions that we should've asked. Ones waaay more personal than these...but I'm NOT gonna into that with you!! No! ^_^ But...let's just say....we're good! :-] 
     Our marriage has grown up...right along with us. And except for some occasional snoring and C-Pap machine issues...
       ...and some non-sleeping, and some doing-anything-at-night-to-distract-myself-into-a-sleep-coma...
          ...we've worked out most of the problems that would give younger married couples trouble.
      Long story short....No! marriage is not what I thought it would be like when we first got married. Truth is...no marriage could be! ^_^ But what it is...
--kissing each other goodbye, even when we're just going to the store; 
--kissing hello when we get back;
--talking to each other and giggling about aches and pains in the dark before we fall asleep every night;
--fighting over what the other one has in his candy 'stash box';
--singing songs and dancing off key and while sitting in one spot; 
--having to be touching...even when we're just reading to ourselves while next to each other; 
--and phone calls just to say "I Love You"...just in case anything happens to the other one...You know...you might get hit by a car or something! LOL...
         ...is pretty great! :-)
       So what if love is not all 'giddy-giddy' like it used to be...We're good with that!...Nowadays love is just something that we do! :-)

Every Day Love Talk

It's  2:30 in the morning.
The alarm goes off right on cue.
He gets up and shaves and showers;
says "Bye Bye Baby. I love you."

Right around noontime
comes a call on his cell phone,
saying: "I was thinking of you.
I can't  wait til I get home."

When his work day ends,
he calls to say he's  leaving the job.
I count the minutes I know it will take
before he's  turning our doorknob.

Then there's  3 pecks on the lips,
and "Hi Baby! How was your day?"
"Dinner will be ready in a little while;"
and before we go to bed, we pray.

We curl up in each other's  arms,
giggle and talk, laying in the moonlight;
and its an "I love you" and "I love you too"
and everything in the world seems right.


  1. Deb, Awesome post. Marriage is no where near to my expectations but then again whatever is? You had me laughing in some places and really thinking in others. Yes I did get your e-mail. Sorry that I haven't gotten back to you on that. The household is still sad and some of us are really taking a look at life and where we are at and where we would really like to be not just physically but spiritually too. Stay safe and warm. Have a great afternoon!!!!!

  2. SnowflakeDreams1, Hi Velma! Thank you very much for the nice words. And, as to marriage, I'm afraid a whole lot of us had unrealistic expectations going in! ^_^ Every day is a 'work in progress'...a really nice work most days. :-] ...I'm sorry to hear that things haven't eased up at all for your family. :-( I'm still sending good thoughts...and I'm here if you need me...Thanks for the encouragement to stay safe and warm too. I think we're gonna need it with the weather we have coming our way!...*shaking my head*...Have a good evening! :-]

  3. Deb, I so enjoyed reading this well thought out, heartfelt post! It sounds like Mr. and Mrs. Wug have a beautiful thing going on. Whereas you two have been married for almost 30 years (awesome!), Bruce and I have only been married for 6 months. I think things are probably different for us, as we are both in our early 50's. Experience and wisdom allow us to see things a bit more realistically than if we were married in our early 20's ... I believe. Wishing you and your wonderful tone-deaf husband another happy 30 years together. I love the song, Always and Forever! I would love to hear Mr. Wugs rendition :) Stay safe in the snowy weather!

  4. Julie, I'm so glad you enjoyed my ramblings! ^_^ And...Uh...Yeah! Things are different when you have wonderful years of experience behind you! I'm sure you and your hubby aren't looking at things the same way as a twenty year old would...but still! New love is new love! :-] ... And trust me...you 'do' wanna hear Mr. Wug's rendition of 'Always and Forever', but afterward you might wanna wash your brain out with soap! LOL {By the way, at year 20 we changed 'Our Song' to the second one above...'Something we do' by Clint Black. :-) Realism had set in by then.}...Have a good rest of the day! :-)

  5. I loved this post,Honest and straight forward so nice and refreshing.I would be married almost 35 years if hubby were still alive.I loved the part in your post "Our marriage has grown up right along with us." That is how I would say our marriage would of been thus far.

    Love the poem,my hubby was alot like that as far as calling and keeping in touch.He was in a band when we first got married.I didnt go along after the birth of my first daughter and he kept intouch all through the evening.


  6. Becky, Awwww! I'm so glad you liked it!...And how wonderful that you had a hubby that was thoughtful and loving as well! :-] I'm sure you miss him very much...There's nothing like 'grown up marriages', huh?!...By the way, what instrument did he play?!...Thanks for the nice words about the poem too. Sometimes they're just easy. :-)

  7. What a great post :) The songs are beautiful too as is your poem.
    I had to laugh when you mentioned hubby singing off key. Mark does that too. It makes me smile and the boys cringe. I don't mind though when you sing it usually means you're happy :)

  8. Jo-anne, Awww! Thank you! I'm glad you liked the post...and the music and poem too! :-) One of these days I'm gonna get hubby to let me share his 'vocal stylings'...And then again...probably not! ^_^ And you should probably be 'happy' about that!! ^_^


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