The Words "He's Not THAT Big" and "SPIDER" Should Not Be In The Same Sentence!!!

        Don't let this cute little Newly-Webbed...Print by hisss fool you!! And if you're creeped out by spiders, do not proceed any further in this post! That was your WARNING!! ^_^
     You are not going to believe what happened to me yesterday!!...Oh Yeah! I know! Usually when somebody says that, they're just trying to get your attention, or spin some kind of yarn (story) just so you'll pay attention to them! But, seriously, while it's probably gonna sound like it, I didn't make it up....honest! O_0

           {Copper Wire Art Black Spider...by SpiderwoodHollow}
     As my morning started to wear on yesterday, my body started aching (actually, that's probably what woke me up in the first place!). I wasn't feeling well, and hubby, to try to make me feel better, had come in and given me a nice bowl of pork and rice. Then he left the house.
     As I was sitting there stretching my legs ,and wiggling my toes, and chomping on my food...out of the corner of my left eye I saw something really big and black come out from under the bathroom door!! At first, because I have two fans blowing on me almost all the time (hormones!), I thought maybe a big piece of lent, or one of my stray pieces of yarn or thread was getting blown across the room.
    But then it started crawling across the floor really fast, as if it was headed somewhere specific! And I realized....Nooooooooo! It wasn't a piece of yarn....or lent! It was a H-U-G-E spider!!!!!!! :-0 And when I say H-U-G-E...I mean H-U-G-E!!! I mean the size spider you expect somebody to have in a terrarium as a pet! Not the size that you find over the doorway sitting waaaay back in the corner of the web!!
     Just for perspective...Not this size....

        ...It wasn't a giant radioactive tarantula! {Even I wouldn't exaggerate his size that bad! LOL} But I would say that the first thing I thought when I saw him hurrying across the floor like he had somewhere he needed to be right away, was "YIKES!!!! TARANTULA!!!!"...and he was like this size!

       Next thing I did was get really freaked out....because I didn't know where he could have possibly come from!...{We hardly have ANY spiders in our house usually, never mind any THIS big!!}...Or......*gulp*...where he now had went!!!!! O_0
     I hurried and got out of his reach fast!....On the bed, with feet pulled up, cover tucked under them, (JUST IN CASE!!) and my cane in hand!! {Uh...the cane was for beating the edges of the bed cover just in case he had some idea he might want to climb up the side of the bed and inject his spider venom into my leg or something!!.....What?!! O_0....It could happen!!!}
     Then I frantically blew up my hubby's phone about 25 times!! slowly dialed my hubby to find out if he could please come home and rescue me! LOL....He didn't answer... *gulp* Now what?!!! Suppose he...Well, she...was laying eggs somewhere?!!!!!!!! {As you can tell, rational thought was not in big supply yesterday!} 
    Okay! I needed to be brave!...I needed one of these....

      ...And since I didn't have a Spiderman Cape, I needed a partner in crime! So I called my girlfriend...And by the time she answered the phone I was in a puddle of tears!! I spurted out, through my sobbing: "I don't know what to do!...He's HUGE!!!...I don't know where he is!.....I have my cane beating the side of the bed!.....No!...I'm awake!....No,....I'm not kidding!!"
     And like a true girlfriend....have I told you before how much I love her?! :-) ...she said "I'll be right over!!" {Of course that was after some questions as to exactly how big he was, and some talking about the perils of having on open-toed sandals!" LOL
     By the time she got here I had said a prayer and....{IMAGINE!! Praying to God to protect me from a spider....*smh*...a spider that......NEVER MIND!!! I did it!.....and it worked!!!}...I was amazingly calmed down! I proceeded to finish eating my pork and rice. {Just in case the spider could smell it and might start heading up the bed covers looking for something to eat!!}
     My girlfriend came in the house, cautiously looked around,...EVERYWHERE (while keeping something on top of her feet at all times, to protect her toes from the spider's fangs), and COULDN'T FIND IT ANYWHERE!!! O_0 By now I was thinking: "Where is a Spider-man when you need one, anyway"?!!

      After a Looooooong time of moving things out of places, and putting things back into all of the places you took them out of...{I mean, I don't live in a dump after all! LOL}...she had to leave. She made me assure her that I was okay, and offered to stay until the cavalry hubby arrived. But I assured her that that wasn't necessary. After all, I had prayed! And even a spider was no match for Jehovah God!! LOL
     Now, the funny thing is that after she left, and I sat there looking around a little bit....I TOTALLY forgot about the spider!! No kidding!! I finished my pork and rice, finished reading my book (To Kill A Mockingbird)...out loud, and did a little tweeting online!...Then hubby calls and I had to recant the whole thing all over again and........UGH!!! Back on spider alert!!! O_0  Thanks Hubby!!!
     By the time hubby got home he was mentally "IN"!! He was slowly creeping around corners, moving things in slow motion...even before he came in to see if I was okay! :-) Aren't hubby's great!!! :-) 
     My girlfriend called to see if I was still alive, and to ask me if maybe I thought it might have been just in my mind!!....Okay, so girlfriends can't have your back every second of the day!!! LOL But I assured her that 'OH YEAH!! My mind is just fine!' And my eyes are too!!
   Then, out of nowhere, while I was still on the phone with my girlfriend, hubby yelled: "I FOUND HIM!...WOW!!!" I immediately felt the adrenaline pumping back through my veins...and not in a good way! I started crying and got all jittery! My girlfriend....Thank you!...said: "Take a picture of it and send it to me!!"
   Hubby came and got the camera.....YES HE DID!!! :-) And this is what he saw!

       Now, trust me when I tell you that this photo is not doing the size of this spider justice! But unless you're blind I would venture to say that you wouldn't want this thing running across your floor.....with no luggage, passport, or nothing!! LOL
     When I uploaded the pictures and sent them to my girlfriend she had the nerve to say: "Awwwww! He's not that big!".....Really?!! I wonder what the insects in her neighborhood are eating?!! That thing is HUGE!!!! My hubby's assessment of his size was that he was waaaay bigger than a quarter! {That was a size description I gave him earlier}
    After photographing the specimen, my hubby took the......Well, just in case there's some insect lovers out there, I'll spare you the details. You can imagine that big old spider off in the woods, looking for a mate, romping and climbing trees......if you want to! LOL If you wanna know the real story, you can email me! ^_^


Indoor Spider

Now, I'm as peaceful as the next chap,
believe in 'Live and then Let live'!
But when it comes to indoor spiders
here's the advice that I would give:

All you spiders, though you're lovely,
far less twitching than a mouse,
Still, your place is not in MY place,
not my room, my board, my house!!
So....GET OUT!!!

{From the 2nd photo down, you can click on the photos themselves or follow their links HERE --> Copper Wire Art Black Spider...by SpiderwoodHollow; Giant radioactive tarantula magnet by superantonio; Tarantula Spider...Digital Image Transfer...by Graphique; Spider Super Hero Cape by pipandbean; Spiderman Pillowcase by russellsrusticshop}