It's not about my dad's health though...even though it does involve him. (He's in pain, but doing okay health-wise.) It's about my siblings.
As you know, recently my dad had two visits to the hospital. Because of my health I could not physically go to be with him. But, as he lives with one of my sisters, I was sure I would get a call if anything ever happened with him. Well...I was wrong! I was not informed about it, in either case, until my dad mentioned it...after he was back home! And in the first case it had been an emergency hospital visit that could have taken my dad's life!
Needless to say, I was very upset that not one of my sisters...not the one that lives in the house with him, or the three others that live in the same town as he does...bothered to call me when he was in the hospital, or afterward for that matter!! And up until yesterday I had not been able to talk directly to any of them! Not for want of trying though.
It started to feel like something was going on. Something I didn't understand, seeing that even though we haven't been very close, we weren't feuding or anything...Although maybe it had something to do with my mother or my background issues with her...I don't know! {I talked about my solution to that issue in the post HERE.}
Anyway, day before yesterday I had a VERY long conversation with my dad about it all. I told him that I don't know what's going on; why all of a sudden there is NO communication coming from my sisters...or brothers for that matter; why, even though my phone number rings in their house with a special ring-tone so that they know it's me and not bill collectors {dad doesn't like them to answer those! LOL}, they still don't pick it up!! It just rings and rings and rings when I call!
Now, what REALLY makes me sad is that this whole thing is now disturbing my father. He's starting to talk about what's going to happen to the family if he dies, etc.... I informed him that I'm not now gong to become somebody different from who I am just to make them happy with me! I have spent years trying to break down those walls! Driving for hours every weekend to go and visit them (which was only reciprocated on a couple of occasions by two of the sisters...riding together!); going over to their house to cook, or bringing my famous cheesecakes...as many and whatever kinds were requested; making crocheted blankets for babies being born; sending gifts and cards for baby showers, etc.... (but not even one card was sent on any of my husband and I's 28 anniversaries!!!)...I could go on, but I won't. :-(
So, I informed my father day before yesterday that I was done trying to over-impose myself into the family. And that if they were interested in a relationship with me, I would be here. They know my number. They know where I live...And while I will not change my personality, religion, or relationship with him for them, I am willing to try to get to some kind of cordial meeting of the minds.
Cut to yesterday. The phone call from my sister. I didn't answer it at first because I had guests. We were talking and sharing a bit of spiritual encouragement and I didn't want to interrupt that for a personal conversation about my family problems! So I waited until they left, and then I called her back.
I started the conversation with an apology that I hadn't answered earlier, and told her why. She seemed fine with that. Then she started talking. About her new venture that she's into now. Crocheting! We talked a little about that, and then.....silence! :-/ I asked why had she called now. Was it because dad had talked to her? She said yes and wanted to know why had I had dad call her?! :-/ I told her that I didn't!! But that I had had a conversation with him about the family and why we aren't close.
She got agitated and said I should let the past go. I shouldn't be wanting to talk about the way things were. She said: "I call you all the time!!"......What?!....Uh....no you don't! In fact, I reminded her, when dad was in the hospital just recently I didn't even get a phone call! She said: "Well, I figured since you guys are so close, he'd call you and tell you himself.".....WOW!! That comment kinda hurt! It sounded kinda sarcastic.
Then I said: "You know, I've be ill for quite a while and none of you...." She cut me off. "Well, whose fault is that?"....WOW! This conversation was really getting disturbing. I tried my best to hold it together emotionally after that! It SOOOO didn't sound like her! So, I went silent. She said: "Hello!!" I said: "Yes?" She said: "Go ahead!" I said: "No, I think I'm done." She said: "Okay, bye!" and hung up!!!!! She just hung up, just like that!!!! :-/
No, I didn't cry. I'm just sad. I'd love for things to be better with my siblings and I, but short of holding my breath until I turn blue, agreeing to never EVER talk about the past, cut my relationship with my father a bit, and kissing all of their....Well. I won't say it, but you know what I mean....I don't think it's going to happen. I'll just have to keep praying about it. What else can I do?! I don't want to waste another minute of my valuable time on people...even if they're related to me....who don't want to waste energy on me!
I have a very large spiritual family. I'll "waste" my energy on them. They really appreciate me. Love me. Visit me. Help me out with anything I need. Run errands for me. Cook for me. Laugh with me. Cry with me. Worship with me. I won't ever be completely without family as long as I have them! :-) Thanks Family!!!
Today's poem is in honor of my spiritual family. Real family. Related or not. I'll have to let my other family situation alone for a while. I need to stay encouraged. Life is too short! :-)
Every Congregation Has One
Every congregation has one:
An Elder that gains our respect
by working hard out in the service
and on each one he keeps a check.
Every congregation has one:
A child that hasn't learned to read,
who can't wait to join the school
and learn just how to take the lead.
Every congregation has one:
A teenager, not quite full grown,
who loves assisting at the meetings,
presenting talks, and microphones.
Every congregation has one:
A widow working through their grief,
spending valued time in service,
giving others much relief.
Every congregation has one:
A brother that is reaching out
to progress in Bible teaching-
shaking new ones from their doubt.
Every congregation has one:
An older sister, dearly loved,
who shares her heart and skills in cooking,
and her love of God above.
Every congregation has one:
A person that is kind of shy,
But if you take the time to know them,
their love for God will make you cry.
Every congregation has one:
A person spiritually weak
who needs to know that we all love them
and that they're joy is what we seek.
Every congregation has one:
A mother, father, sibling,friend,
who we 'incite to love and fine works'
as this system nears the end.
Now, almost everybody's covered
and that is why this poem's done;
A group that dearly love Jehovah-
every congregation has one.
