Okay.....It's Time To Tell The Doctor Story Too!

     Isn't hubby's sunflower gorgeous?!!!.....Okay, so it's a distraction today. In fact, as we go along I'll need to show off a lot of what's going on in his garden. I need a 'lot' of distraction to tell this story!! LOL {I figured I'd give you a break from my 'Date Night' trips. ^_^ ...Brazil, in case you're wondering though. ^_^} 
      So, I alluded to a part of this story a little while back when I did THIS POST...My story is about my history with doctors. And let me just say right now that if I saw some person calling themselves 'The Wug', on some online blog, telling this story...I might think either " Boy! She sure knows how to 'spin a yarn' ", OR "Does she really expect for somebody to believe that?!"....but IT IS TOTALLY, EVERY WORD, THE TRUTH!!!

        I think I mentioned to you all that I didn't start my 'Menses' (ladies, you know what I mean) until I was in my very late teens. Well, 'I' didn't start it! It was started by a...Yep! You guessed it...doctor!! I was going along my merry little old way, not even realizing I should have started my 'Menses' before then!!
      Then one day I got these horrible constant pains in my belly and had to be rushed to the Emergency Room! It was Appendicitis.  Apparently I was about a half an hour from death! I had to have surgery to have them removed..."Bye, Bye, 'Penses!"...But that's not the part of the story that I'm focusing on!
     When I was filling out the form in the hospital, it asked when I had my last 'Menses'. Ummmmm...."Did I have a Menses for dinner?! LOL I didn't know what they were talking about!! When I asked the nurse what it was, she laughed...OUT LOUD! She thought I was joking, because of my age!!

       After she saw the look on my face, she figured out that I wasn't kidding. A little pill was given to me, and a doctor's appointment made for me straight out of the hospital. ♫ Me.....and my 'Mennnnnnses' ♫ (To the tune of 'Me and My Shadow') have been battling friends ever since! LOL
      If that was my only doctor story it would be great! But no! And take a deep breath....pretend you're chasing a dragonfly in a field or something.... ^_^

    (kushun55)

      I had a dentist that I went to that I LOVED!! He talked me through every single thing he was doing on every visit I went to! He told stories, and giggled, and gave me gifts when I left every visit. His staff and his other patients loved him!! And I did too!....A year after I met him I got a letter saying he had died in a freak accident. He was pulled into a machine he was riding, while doing something with his crops in a planting field in his off time. `'_'` On to another dentist....*sigh*

      This dentist was nice, but not like the other one. And...YIKES!...he had to give me my very first 'Root Canal'!!...4 or 5 weeks of visits, messing with the same tooth!! Before the very first part of the procedure was going to be done, I asked if my Insurance would pay for all of these visits and the 'crown' that would need to go on top of the tooth afterward ($800.00!!!). He 'supposedly' called the Insurance company, and told me they said yes! 

      At the end, right before he was about to put the crown on, he asked for a check for the $800.00! O_0 I reminded him that he had said it was covered by Insurance. He said: "Well, he had been mistaken." And he said that he would need the $800.00 IN FULL before he would finish the job!!!....Grrrrr!

        I refused to pay, and put the ball 'back in his court'. He gave me a plaster crown (that lasted for several years, by the way), and I never went back to him again!!

        And there were puzzling incidents with doctors over the years too! For instance, I had some blood work done at the hospital one time, because of a health issue I was having. They did the blood work on a Friday and told me to call back to the hospital on Monday for the results...So I called on Monday. 

       The nurse was acting all nervous. She said she couldn't give me the results, but there was...in her words...."something funky going on with my blood"!! `'O'` She said to call my doctor in a couple of days. They were going to be forwarding the results to her!! {Now, you can imagine the depths and heights that this Wuglyee brain went in a whole two days!!!!...PHEW!!}

        I nervously called the doctor at the suggested time. I asked for the results......and she said: "Everything was fine!"......Huh?!!!! O_0 I told her what the hospital had said, and she said: "No, there's nothing like that on the report!" (I've been wondering about that now for years!!! LOL)

          Also, In another test I had done at a clinic....a barium enema (colon test)...just as the technician was probing (never a good time...or a good word!!), and looking at the viewing screen of my insides, the assistant, in a panicked whisper, said to her: "Did you see that?!!!!" The technician shushed her.

     I said: "What is it?! `'_'` She said: "You can talk to the doctor right after we finish. She'll explain the results to you.".....Again with the 'talk-to-you-later-You-freakazoid' talk!!!....And...you guessed it!...the doctor said: "Everything's fine!"...All these years I've been convinced that there's some conspiracy going on about my body!!! ^_^ And yet....I'm still breathing!

            Nope! That's not the end yet!! LOL ... I've had three other great doctors (General Practitioners) who, after I became their patient for a year, or so, proceeded to pack up their doctor bags forever!!! O_0 One moved out of the state to start another practice with her husband over 1200 miles away. One moved out of the country...to Switzerland! And one completely left her profession all together!!...Uhhh...Is it me?!!....As you might imagine, I'm a little paranoid about meeting new doctors!

   (Carapace)

       That doesn't mean I don't still keep trying though!...In fact, when I moved to Massachusetts I waited on a list for almost 6 months to get a good doctor. Or so I thought! On the very first visit she was non-communicative, brash and cold. In fact, after a 'Pap Test' she left the room...with me still in 'The Position'...and I never saw her again!! About 5 minutes later the nurse assistant came in the room and was surprised to see me still in 'The Position'. She thought I would be all dressed and waiting for further instructions!....."Uhhhhh...Nobody told me to do that!"

       Not kidding...a short while later I got a letter from her office saying that she had died!!! The letter suggested that I try one of the other doctors that were included in the letter...Funny....they all appeared to have skulls and crossbones next to their names! ^_^...Okay, so that part was a joke! ^_^

           My last real 'encounter' with a doctor was when I was in the hospital a couple of years ago. The whole story of that....PHEW!....is for another time! But I'll just mention that nurses kept coming in the room while I was sleeping trying to put stuff in my I.V., kept trying to forcefully give me new medications that I had never had before, and all kinds of other freaky stuff was happening too!!! 

     No kidding,....every night they tried, I'd make them bring me the paperwork on the drug, put my glasses on and read it, get terrified, refuse to take it, and go back to sleep! ^_^ I was never so happy to get out of a place in my life than when I got 'sprung' from there and was able to go home!!!!!

      THE END!!!....Well, not really the end, because despite all of this craziness, I am still alive and breathing and telling the story!!!

          Oh Yeah! The Proctologist story!!! ^_^ I almost forgot!...As you can deduce from the above stories, I've had some belly issues over the years. It's led to a lot of ultrasounds and colon tests, etcetera, etcetera, and so forth, over the years. But the day I had to go to the Proctologist, a NEW DOCTOR, actually turned out to be pretty hilarious!!! :-))

       He had a small office, and a small waiting room...which I was happy to find empty! The fact that he was a 'man' doctor,...which I hadn't had many of over the years...and that he was going to be probing 'UP THERE' had me a little 'on edge'!

     Hubby was doing everything he could to keep me calm...I got called into the room right away. (I was the only one there) The assistant had me undress, put a 'johnny' on, and hop up on the leather table that was covered with.....'butcher paper'....? O_0

     Now, I was having some mobility issues. She had to help me every step of the way. Then she left, the doctor came in and did 'his probing best' job, and left me on the table...The assistant came in, in a hurry, and said she had another patient and couldn't stay to help me, but she felt I would be fine getting myself dressed.

      I took her word for it, but considering my mobility, I wasn't too sure how I would be able to maneuver this!.....So, I 'shimmy shimmy shimmied' over to the side of the table. Hmmmm.....that butcher paper sure is noisy!!....I slid off the side of the table and riiiiiiiip!! O_0 The butcher paper ripped! And a large section was lodged.......YOU KNOW WHERE!!!! LOL I couldn't call the assistant away from another patient, back into the room to help me get dressed, and say to her:"Could you please dislodge that butcher paper from THERE please?!" YIKES!!

       (sarahkdesigns)

      So, it took me 9 years..*an exaggeration!*...but I got dressed! And the butcher paper.......(which I named by the way. Hey! We became very intimate friends! LOL)...remained where it was, and a bit more disquised....inside my underwear.

      The assistant came in with the doctor's instructions, and was very happy I was able to get dressed without her because 'the place was suddenly swamped with people!' After she went out again, I went to get my pocketbook and heard 'Crunchie, Crunchie, Crunchie' with every step I took!....*sigh*....The butcher paper was still making it's 'butchery paper noise' at the top of it's lungs....well, not lungs. But you know what I mean! 

      What was I gonna do?! I decided to just go.....as fast as I could....out of this place! After all, his office was small. When I opened the door to come out, I noticed that the little waiting room was FULL of people....sitting in total silence!

     As I walked to get my card for my next appointment, and head toward my hubby...who at this point was staring back and forth from my face to my derriere, and had a puzzled look on his face (like a puppy with his head cocked sideways), I noticed that he wasn't the only one that looked like that!

      Apparently I wasn't the only one that could hear the 'song of the moving butcher paper'. I was just the only one who knew what it was!!!! ^_^ When I got outside and answered hubby's question as to "What is that noise?!" He started laughing so hard I had to hit him to keep him moving forward to the car!! We got in the car...but we didn't go anywhere for about another 20 minutes. It took that long for him to compose himself enough to drive!!...UGH!!! :-]

      Now, seriously....THE END!! ^_^

 I Love To Tell A Story!

Don't pay me any attention
when I scoff at this or that.
I love to tell a story!
Even the wanderings of a gnat.

If somebody breaks a nail,
(all the gory details left out)
I love to tell the story!
Really, what is that all about?!

I'm even ready for a saga
if a trip somewhere is planned.
I love to tell a story
about bad food and parking bans!

I just love to tell a story!
It's a lifetime love of words.
And a wordless Wednesday blog?
Around here, that's for the birds!