Friday, June 25, 2010

Communicating with words

My backyard, after a hard rain yesterday, is communicating that all is well.
  Thankfully, the hail we were expecting to get...we didn't! If we had, I might have had some disturbing communication to show you...I know you're wondering why I'm playing around with the word "communication" today. The reason is because I got a chance to hear a symposium yesterday on the communication of family members. Husbands with wives, wives with husbands, children with their parents, and parents with their teenagers. It was so good!! It got me to thinking about hubby and me and whether we would be considered good communicators.
   Google's definition for "communicate" included 1.) to transmit information...I do that with hubby all the time! "Please put that back where you got it", The garbage bag needs changing", "I don't think you should wear those colors together...especially not with those shoes!"
   And number 2.) to transmit thoughts or feelings...I do this all the time too, but this one is much trickier!
   The speaker giving the symposium gave an example of how husbands and wives sometimes communicate. I'll give you the gist of what he said. He said: 'A husband is 2 hours late getting home from work. His wife has been waiting for him, with dinner buzzers and children "going off!!" He saunters in the door and yells, with a big smile, "I'm home!" He expects everybody to be happy about this, but instead his wife says: "Where have you been? Johnny needs help with his homework, your dinner is on the stove, and the dog needs to go for a walk. I'm going to take a nap. It's your turn to handle some of the things around here!!!"
  The speaker then proceeded to show how the communication could have been better on both sides. He said: The husband sees that he's not going to finish his work project on time, so he calls his wife to apologize and to let her know that he's going to be a couple of hours late. She thanks him for calling and asks if he wants her to wait dinner for the two of them, so that they can be able to eat together. He says what a nice idea. She proceeds to feed the kids, walk the dog, and help Johnny with his homework. He finally gets home. She meets him at the door and says: "You must be tired." Once again he apologizes, tells her that he'll go and take the garbage out after he gets the kids all ready for bed. She thanks him and goes off to take a nap while she waits for their late night dinner together.
  Obviously the 2nd communication was much better...Oh if only things would go that smoothly all the time!!! For hubby and I it's a lot different after 28 years of marriage,...actually 32 years all together! I remember those early years of a decibel of sound that only dogs could probably hear! LOL Oh Yea, we were "communicating" all over the place!! And usually not about anything good! We fought over time we weren't spending together, people we were jealous over, and food...we fought over food a lot! (Who was taking the most and who was not being fair to whom about exactly how much the other one had! WOW!) *Shaking my head*...Let's face it, there was not much "communicating" going on there. But there was a lot of transmitting of information....USELESS information!
  I also remember times of me crying about him forgetting our anniversary, him being irate because I destroyed his shirt or something in the wash, me going on for what seemed like hours about my ignored feelings...while he sat looking at the floor in total silence! UGH!!!! Then I would say at the top of my voice: "Say something!" And he inevitably would make the statement that was like throwing gasoline on a lit fire..."What do you WANT me to say?!" It's a wonder he's actually still alive!
  Thankfully, after a few storms (Like in the backyard) and some growing up, our communication became MUCH better...and it became more like loving friends. We talk all the time now. We're still just as passionate about our points of view, but our speech is softer, more thoughtful. We're more aware of the fact that we don't want to win an argument, we want to keep a friend. I think that our level of respect about the fact that we each are entitled to our own opinion, no matter what the other one thinks of it, has been what's made the most difference...Besides the fact that we both have to answer to a higher source than ourselves for the way we behave and "communicate." Now that's something to talk about!
Every Day Love Talk

It's  2:30 in the morning.
The alarm goes off right on cue.
He gets up and shaves and showers;
says "Bye Bye Baby. I love you."

Right around noontime
comes a call on his cell phone,
saying: "I was thinking of you.
I can't  wait til I get home."

When his work day has ended,
he calls to say he's  leaving the job.
I count the minutes I know it will take
before he's turning our doorknob.

Then there's 3 pecks on the lips,
and "Hi Baby! How was your day?"
"Dinner will be ready in a little while;"
and before we go to bed, we pray.

We curl up in each others  arms,
giggle and talk, laying in the moonlight;
and its an "I love you" and "I love you too"
and everything in the world seems right.


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