Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Women's roles..They Are A-Changing!!

     This print is entiled Sari and is done by nidhi on Etsy. It's of a little one hanging on for dear life while she follows mom around doing the shopping. It shows one of the many roles that women have. That of mom and mother.
     Over the last few days I've had much time to think about the subject of women's roles. Mine in particular. With a family crisis underway, the quiet moments have given me much time to re-evaluate, and assess my next move. (I can certainly see my husband's mental wheels turning to do the same thing too!)
       I've never been a mother...That's a long story for another time. But I am, and have been for the last 28 years, a wife. Before the situation with my father-in-law, my hubby and I were going merrily along in our designated, decided upon, roles in our marriage. We only had each other and we spent every day just loving each other and working together as a unit. I think the look in the faces of this couple, as depicted by this Custom portrait illustration of a couple by madebyjenschell shows it very well! Each of us would handle certain things in the household, for work, with our families, and so forth. But I can see my role is changing.
    My husband doesn't need as much of my time as bookkeeper and co-money maker now, as he used to. I suppose, as with most mothers, wives, and women, roles change. And you have to be prepared to change with them. So, with his nerves a little more on end, because of stress about his father's mental state and physical disposition, he needs me to lower my anxious voice a little, give him hugs of reassurance, (as depicted in this print entitled Spring Hug by Meant4amoment) and...without argument...make all of the family phone calls, appointments, and updates. Instead of showing my "CAN DO" side, he needs to see my "I Understand" side, my "don't worry about me" side.
    I must admit....it's going to take some mental readjustment, because with my physical issues the last few years, I've been his baby, and the center of his attention, so to speak. I'm used to him spending every waking minute worrying about ME! (Brought to mind that song by Toby Keith entitled I wanna talk about me!) I know it's kind of selfish, but I guess that's what happens when you don't have kids and you spend every minute with just the two of you!
    I haven't had to divide my attention with anyone, relationship-wise, since I was living at home! There were lots of sisters and brothers around then. (Just like it's shown in this my little brother print by tushtush.) Except that I divide my attention with hubby and his relationship with Jehovah God. But I gladly share his attention on that subject! :-) I mean, what kind of wife....or woman....would I be that wanted to take the attention of God away from her husband?!!! I'm not that bad!!! LOL
    So, emotionally speaking, me having my way and fussing about nothing in particular, and making him pick up behind himself, and running errands, and...you get the picture...will have to go on hold for a while until things change back to the designated roles...I can be petty and irritating any old time, if I really put my mind to it. LOL So......I will! I'll put my mind to it after this crisis time is over. For now this will be me...
    This Original Lioness and Cub pencil drawing is entitled A MOTHER'S PRIDE. It's by BeccasPlace. I'm not my hubby's mother, even though he does call me Mama sometimes. But I am very proud of the way he's trying to step in and do whatever is necessary to make his mom and dad feel cared for. In fact, it appears that his other brothers are changing their roles a little bit too in this regard. I guess all of us have to grow up and realize that times and seasons change...and we have to change and grow with them.
   What roles are you, as a women, fulfilling?! Have they changed over the years?! I'd love to hear about it! (The poem I'm sharing with you today was one I wrote based on the book of Proverbs, chapter 31, in the Bible.)


A capable wife is hard to find,
says proverbs, chapter thirty-one;
And if you find her, hold on tight.
Because her value's  under-run.

You can put your trust in her
as a mother, woman, wife;
and if you do, she'll  reward you
with only good for all her life.

She works well with her hands
at making clothes and other things.
She'll  search hard for a bargain.
What you need is what she brings.

When anyone is sick
she'll  check on them throughout the night-
bring chicken soup and juices,
from sundown til morning light.

She's  good at making deals.
She'll  buy a home and get a bargain;
And when the home is bought
you'll  find her working on a garden.

She's  the 'weaker vessel',
but she can be as strong as men.
If you try to hurt her babies
that's a fight you will not win.

As wife, mother, woman,
it is priceless that she's in
subjection to her husband-
and her goals are always his.

She is also there for others,
whether needy, or the poor.
The encouragement she gives
just makes her family love her more.

Her husband's  name is known,
because of how she makes him shine-
By her deep love for Jehovah,
and the love she's  shown, in kind.

Her mouth she has opened,
with the wisdom of God's  word;
She's  applied that loving-kindness
from all the principles she's  heard.

She's  watching all the goings on
outside, and in her house;
But she's  not a meddling gossip.
She's  as quiet as a mouse.

While charm may be false
and prettiness may be vain,
if she really fears Jehovah,
her husband's  praise is what she'll  gain.

All her works of love
will praise her-one upon the other;
and her husband and her sons
will love this woman, wife and mother.

Everyone who knows her
will pronounce her happy too,
as a capable wife and mother
and spiritual woman through and through.


  1. That is such a wonderful and heartfelt post. I love how you illustrated it with artwork from such talented people! I often think about that as my role has changed over the years and especially when I stopped working. Like you, we have no children and so we spend all our time together. This changed when I stopped working and Daniel started working full-time. I had to redifine myself and it took a while. I would imagine that all of your roles will change with your father-in-law's health challenge. Sending you a big hug!! Love, Silke

  2. Thank you so much Silke!! I know that you and Daniel are like me and Jeff in having no children, and in being married for a lot of years too! So you probably really understand what I mean about changing roles. Now that both of our parents are getting up in years and our responsibilities toward them is increasing, it's going to be more of a challenge. But if adjustments is what it takes...adjustments is what will happen!! :-)

  3. This post is so honest and beautiful. The artwork you chose helps to tell your story so wonderfully.

    I can also relate to you and Silke....my husband and I don't have any children and I don't have to work anymore. He works full time so he is supportive of me following whatever dream I have. I am still in the process of redefining myself and adjusting to this way of life.

    Thank you Debbie for sharing this with us. And I am sending you a big hug too! :)

    I am sure you will both do whatever it takes to handle the changes that come your way .

  4. Thank you so much for the encouragement Cathy! It's always nice to hear from ones who are experiencing similar situations. :-)

  5. Alicia9/28/2010

    Boy do I know about changing roles! As the oldest child, when my parents and grandparents were sick I was expected to take the lead. Never mind that I was a divorced mother working full-time living in a different city. It wasn't easy and I usually added some, shall I say, flavor from time to time but it just seems to be a natural thing for me: changing roles, wearing different hats, doing what I have to do. I hope your in-laws will be fine and that you will embrace your new roles with 'flavor'. Luv ya!

  6. Deb, you are an encouragement to me as always! It's hard to have to change roles after so many years. I've had to do it a lot over the years and I do have children. It's really not much different except that the roles tend to be different. When my hubby's father got sick and was put in a nursing home, it took a lot out of him. The sadness in his face broke my heart! His once strong father was now vulnerable and scared as a child! I saw it my father's face before he died. He was once the caretaker, and now my husband and his family became the ones to take care of him. The day he died, he opened his eyes and looked around the room to be sure we were all there. Then he closed his eyes and went to sleep. My hubby still tears up when we talk about it. And it's been almost 3 yrs. So yes, you do have to become a supporter and give him the love and understanding that he REALLY needs at this time! And that support will continue for some time. I know you can do it!!
    I love the poem! Proverbs 31 is some of my favorite scriptures! Great job on it!

  7. Alicia, You and I both have worn the mantle of 'Oldest' child too! It inherently comes with a feeling of responsibility, whether anybody expects it of you...or you expect it of yourself!! So, I have enjoyed being the 'baby', so to speak, in these last years with Jeff. I hope that I will be able to embrace my new role with "Flavor"! :-)) I know one thing....I WILL be talking!!! LOL

  8. CinLynn, Thank you SOOOOO much for sharing that piece of your personal situation with me. You've been where I'm heading, so your insight is invaluable to me!! I wish sometimes that I had children, and then other times I'm thankful that we didn't!! How much harder would this time be now, if hubby had to temper his emotions so that the kids wouldn't get upset?!! Instead, he only has to worry about me, or shall I say 'WORRIED, past tense, about me. I'm working on being his support system, as he always has been mine! I'll need help from above and from my friends, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it!! :-)...Thanks for the nice words about my version of the Proverbs too!!


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